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no. 6
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i could write a big ol’ essay on how the homoerotic subtext between oz and gilbert has been seriously surpassing just “subtext” for ages now (possibly since the dawn of time) and how the symbol of blue feathers is CONSTANTLY being played up between these two, but instead, i’ll just leave my ph followers with this mini-manifesto that really just. speaks for itself at this point

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i’m actually sweating right now because for all the artworks in which blue feathers were isolated and mainly in gilbert’s possession (most specifically the tiny blue feather in the cage in the fourth example) this recent color page is the first artwork that the feathers are actually being shown on equal terms between the two of them

in other words they’re in love leave me alone to sweat myself to death because my ship is real. it is real and it is coming and it will destroy us all

That’s awesome congrats!!! <3 What’s the genre? o u o

thank you so much!

the genre is…hmm…i’d probably put it under modernist fiction in terms of the style! i’m a sucker for writing streams of consciousness and introspective first-person stories with multiple narrators (hence why i’m infatuated with william faulkner’s writing oh goodness please read his stuff it’s the bane of my existence). but yeah! it’s basically a big family drama with some elements of a coming-of-age story as well as an LGBT story since all three of the narrators are queer (a 9-year-old trans boy, a gay 17-year-old boy, and a bisexual 20-year-old girl)

the story itself takes place during the 1960s in a small southern town and follows the lives of three siblings who are all pining (in one way or another, ahem) for their older brother who has moved to new york city. through each sibling’s monologues we learn more about the dysfunction of the family, their hatred for the small town in which they live in, as well as their own inner demons that severely stilt their view of their older brother and their personal relation to him. basically the whole thing is talking about how easy it is for us to idolize the people we love until they aren’t even the real person anymore, just our ideal image of them that can be shattered in an instant. so it’s uh! not exactly a lighthearted comedy but even still it’s super fun to write oh god this turned into a ramble i am sorry

a little baby announcement since i’m too excited about this to keep quiet about it any longer!

i’m currently working on an original novella (too short to be a novel, too long to be a short story) and i’m coming very close to finishing the first draft. after i edit the crap out of it and make it presentable, i’m going to be self-publishing it in both physical book form and also maybe an e-book version that can be paid for and downloaded. i’m REALLY pumped about this since it’ll be my first endeavor in actually publishing some of my original work which some of you have asked about! 

soooooooooo i thought i would mention that here, just something to keep an eye out for if you’re ever interested in reading some of my original writing! shouldn’t be too much longer before i get it out there! :)

a-quatremains whispered : this is a robbery. if you give me one headcanon, good things will happen. if you don't give us one headcanon, Kaworu has to watch Shinji die.

i must protect shinji-kun, clearly. there is no other way.

okay i have this one headcanon with a friend of mine that kaworu is, against all expectations, not a morning person in the slightest. once he gets the hang of a lilin sleep schedule, he pretty much falls in love with it and really enjoys sleeping. but because of this, his pleasant nature completely flies out the window if he’s woken up too early; his hair is all over the place and there’s drool on his chin and his eyes are all bleary and pissed off like a disgruntled cat and he grumbles in this weird angel-language that shinji doesn’t understand. shinji, surprisingly, is a morning person and is usually up and getting breakfast ready while kaworu is still loafing around in bed being a huge grump. shinji has to pet his hair and coo to him real softly to motivate him to get out of bed (and secretly delights in the knowledge that kaworu does have a grumpy side because it’s impossibly cute)

getdownlau whispered : Do you think you'll ever continue the earth is (not) a cold dead place?

honestly…i’m not sure. ideally i’d like to, but on the other hand…my thoughts toward that story have changed significantly since i started writing it, so i’m not sure if i could get back into it and write it as honestly as i’d like to without changing it a great deal. but then again, i had a lot of fun writing that fic and i know a lot of people really enjoyed it (if i ignore the less-than-kind people who sent me rude messages about it and posted hate about me on eva forums which obviously hurt a great deal because i’m sensitive x100, aka a Big Weenie)

but i don’t want to disappoint anyone by not picking it back up again. and i don’t want to disappoint myself by giving in to hateful criticism and letting it dampen my writing, you know? and there are still a lot of scenes that i was looking forward to writing for that story…and i know exactly how it ends…decisions, decisions…

all in all i think there’s a barrier that i need to get over before i could return to that fic. i put off writing it because i was too afraid of getting more hate but really, what’s the point in doing that? i can’t please everyone, i can only do my thing and hope for the best! so i hope that day comes that i feel more comfortable writing for it again because i’d really like to complete the fic rather than just leave it hanging. let’s keep our fingers crossed in the meantime!

i can’t explain how much it means to me that you guys like who the waves are roaring for.

like there just aren’t enough words in me to even express how important this fic is to me and to have people really appreciate it and become emotional over it and relate to it means just…an astronomical amount to me, and that’s putting it lightly. i haven’t had this much unbridled, no-stress fun in writing for the eva fandom in so, so long - which is weird enough since this fic is essentially a phollie diary entry so i’m exposing a lot of really nasty shit that normally i’d hold back on - so just. thank you for sticking around and seeing where this story goes, and thank you for being vocal about how this story makes you feel. that’s the stuff that motivates me the most. 

okay i’m gonna end this post before i embarrass myself and get all weepy on you guys. just wanted to put that out there because i really can’t thank you guys enough for all the support you’ve given me and how much you’ve helped my writing grow. 

"What would happen if I did get rid of my heart?"

"You would look for it again. You would fish it back out of the sea over and over, no matter how many times you’d throw it away."

"And how do you know that?"

"Because that’s what you’ve always done," Rei says, "and that’s what will always happen as long as you have hope."

Asuka’s mouth feels inexplicably dry. Subconsciously, her arms tighten around the bundled-up heart held to her chest. Only Rei notices. “And what if I don’t have hope?”

"Then you’re lying." 

Word count: 5,300~
Rating: M
Previous chapters: part one / part two
Summary: A speculative rebuild of the hearts and minds of Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Soryu, following the events of End of Evangelion. [Kawoshin, Asurei.]

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phollie:

“He was reluctant, yes,” Oz says, “but…I think he meant it.”

Gilbert’s smile is whisper-quiet. The grief still hasn’t left his eyes, not even after these five years in the absence of Xerxes Break. “I sure hope the fool meant it. It took a lot out of me to even admit it.”

“Why’s that?”

Gilbert’s hand is shaking when he laughs, the sound hoarse and weak. “Break had it in his head that denying it would make it easier to let go. I can’t – ” Gilbert pauses when his voice cracks, shivering. “I…can’t tell if he was right or not.”

Everyone is waiting for the day he’ll take up flight and burn a hole clean through the sky, leaving only smoke and ash behind, dizzying swirls of white-red-gold until the sky stitches itself back up and swallows him whole.

Rating: T
Word count: 2,500~
Summary: A glance at the Bundrens three months following the burial of Addie, each glance centered around Jewel. 

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